The Douchebag Report

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Cindy Sheehan

With more zany antics in her bag than an 80's sitcom, it's never very long before Mamma Moonbat reemerges on the list.
Seriously... this scraggly wack-o-saurus contributes more to this site than I do.
If there's a photo-op to be had, you can bet your ass that 'ole snagglepuss here will be in attendance, front and center.
Go dig out some of those old home movies from your attic. I'll bet you a shiny nickel she's in there, somewhere. To say this hag craves attention is like saying Charlie Sheen likes sex. The only difference is,
Sheehan gets other people to pay for her addiction.
So now, it seems, Cindy-Lou is on a diet.
Joining a bevy of other activist-impersonators from the far left, at midnight, July 4, Cindy officially continued her war against reality by joining the "Troops Home Fast" program.

Propagandized Labeled as a fast to protest the Iraq war, the architects of this mockery even have a photo of Ghandi on the head of their site. (Which, no, I will not link to.)
What makes this so rediculous, you might ask? Fasting is a long-standing form of peaceful protest, you say? Ghandi is a good, and well known referrence of this, you say?
Well... you're right. Except.... this is by no means a legitimate fast. Read between the lines and you see that this is what's called a "rolling fast". (Otherwise known as a "complete sham").
This is where fasters punch a time clock, of sorts. You wake up, refuse to eat for an hour, then push it over to Billy, who refuses to eat for an hour, while you shovel down a Whopper, large Coke and a bag of Cheetos. Then Billy hits the all-you-can-eat lunch buffet at the Wok-and-Roll while Susie takes up the baton of not chewing her cud for the next hour... and on and on and on.
So as long as you have regular intervals during the day when you're not eating, you've successfully participated in this brave and noble exercise against global-dominating facism! Isn't that exciting?!?
Except when you realize that, unless you've had a feedbag tied to your piehole since birth, you've pretty much been doing exactly that all your life, already.
Yeah... real challenging.
Now, not all of the fasters are watching the clock, to be fair. A couple, Sheehan included, are what they call "long term" fasters. Meaning that they, by definition, are abstaining from any sustenence until their mission is accomplished, they abandon the pretense of the fast, or they are dead.

Pretty brave, huh?

Yeah... ummm... Except....

Cindy hasn't actually been real nitpicky about the definition of the word "fast".
It seems that, while on her "Troops Home Fast Tour" (Do they have roadies?) Shaggylocks has been making painful sacrifices to the gods of Ice Cream, coffee, Jamba Juices and protien powders, at the very least. (You have to wonder, if this is what she's admitting to, what else has she been stuffing her craw with?)
Let's face it... Cindy's not exactly known for her honesty or forthcoming nature. Remember the whole "Why won't the President meet with me?" thing? You know... after he already did?
So my money's on a stash of nutrageous bars and tofurkey burgers in the back of her tour bus, quite frankly.
But even if she is "only" eating Jamba Juices and ice creamed coffees, etc., how honest a "fast" is that???
And a better question... exactly how does someone suck down a french-vanilla'd double mochaccino with both hands nailed to the cross..?
In the end, Cindy's annoying, but useful for a good laugh, at least. Until she realizes that she's a complete joke who has totally whored and distorted her dead son's name, she'll probably always find a way to make the report.

FINAL JUDGEMENT:
Level 3 Douchebag

6 Comments:

Blogger The AmeriBrain said...

And she's still pretending this is about Casey? When is the last time you saw a news story even mention his name?

7:10 AM  
Anonymous Greatwhitenorth said...

Cindy is all correct. Her people are best people in shitty USA.
bush=hitler should be put in trial and jail because of kill millions like this woman say. you are site is stupid because you say she is bad. ass!

7:30 AM  
Blogger The Douchebag Report said...

You sure like the word "ass", huh?

I wonder if it's Freudian?

Here's some advice for you, kiddo... try reading a book, or newspaper... or pamphlet, even. (Start small if you have to.) Come on back when you have something intelligent to say.
Actually, I'll settle for something coherent.

If you want to make an argument, do some research. Present some facts. Know what you're talking about.
This "bush=hitler he kill millions" crap just won't fly, here.
There are plenty of quasi-political blogs here that cater to idiots. Maybe you should check them out?

7:34 AM  
Anonymous Columbus1966 said...

Is that guy for real? You can't write comedy like that.
I'm sure glad he's on their side!
Same goes for that nutty "mamma-moonbat"!
If these are the best thing that the left can throw at us, they must already be crushed!

7:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I pretty sure that he's joking

9:01 AM  
Anonymous Jimp said...

In my youth, I went to my then employer with what I perceived to be a problem and promptly got bollocked. Why? Because I hadn’t thought of a solution. You see he wasn’t concerned whether or not my solution was right, but that I had actually bothered to stop and think about the problem rather than assume that I could dump it on someone else’s shoulders. In short, he called it whining. This is what this sag titted old witch is doing. She whines and rails against G.W. demanding that the troops are withdrawn etc but if asked what the potential results of that withdrawal would be and what solutions could be put in place to solve these problems, whoever asked would be hit by a silence so profound you could hear a mouse fart at fifty paces. With her, if she gets her way the results are someone else’s problem to sort out. That’s why G.W. and other politicians won’t bloody listen to her. Its because she has nothing to say and what she does say has no substance or reason behind it. But why do all these other people follow and listen to her. Does anybody stop and think before they act any more. Why are the retards and the socially trivial always in the bloody limelight and why do so many wastes of DNA follow them. T.V. channels were, and still are being accused of dumming down there programs. I think this is because they realised long ago that the main bulk of audiences/humanity have the I.Q. of roadkill.

12:45 AM  

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